If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
