We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
