mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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