anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
