Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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