what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
