just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
