I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
