um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
