I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
