What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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