Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
