ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
