fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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