This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
