Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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