Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
