By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
