Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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