Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
