Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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