There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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