I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
