She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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