He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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