Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
