Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
