Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize