i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize