I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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