Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
