her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
