How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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