the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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