You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
