I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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