I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
