i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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