Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
