i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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