Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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