I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
