sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize