You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
