1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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