I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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