I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
