I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
