I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
