he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
