If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize