I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
