haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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