I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
