Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
