I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
