So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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