I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize