the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
