Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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