____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
