Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
