I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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