4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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