Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
