Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
