Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Two words: blizzard sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
