Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
vagina is talking i cant
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
