perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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