I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
