Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
